So now it’s news … constant news … that Osama bin Laden might, might, release a new video sometime between now and next Tuesday.

Let’s all wait with baited breath for the f**ktard’s latest diatribe to hit the airwaves. It’s almost as important as news that Brittany Spears might, might, open the MTV video awards show live on Sunday night.

Will he be wearing panties? Will he make out with Madonna? Will he wipe barbecue sauce off his face with his designer gown? Will he walk barefoot into a truck stop bathroom after driving with his baby in his lap? What kind of a comeback could he possibly be planning?

And what’s with that beard? Cut and dyed for the special appearance (how exactly does using Just 4 Men fit into his brand of devout, self-sacrificing, kill-’em-all, live-in-the-stone-age Islam?).

He should be dead. Period. That’s all that should be on our minds as we approach Tuesday and remember another late-summer Tuesday six years ago. His head should be on a platter, not fresh from Supercuts and painted for the camera.